Call me Kermit cause I'm about to go piggin
Im listening to a jazz version of dick in a box.
Not only is chick snoring like a 48 year old man but she's farting in rhythm
Sometimes I kiss girls just to make them shut up.
its always fun the next morning to look around the room and see where all the clothing landed.
the general consensus of people in the room is that i should have another bottle of wine.
"people in the room" being me.
I made him drop me off at the wrong house waited for him to leave and crawled through several fences so he couldnt stalk me. How was your night?
Apparently someone switched my cash for monopoly money after midnight so I couldn't get any more drinks at the bar
She tried to escape and she fell and hit the door. She's gunna freak when she wakes up with only half a tooth.
my mom was in labor with me for 32 hours, it's only fair to start drinking now.
Definitely want to eloquently cunt punt those bitches thru the field goals of life.
Love is....waiting for your girl to throw up her shot in the bathroom...then handing her her beer. Game face.
listen. he fixes things. buys me drinks and sticks his penis in my vagina. age means nothing at this low point in my life.
I almost had to fight a bird, and you know how scared I am of birds. It found that Percocet that I lost in the grass last week, I threw out my back when I launched myself at that little fucker.
And my nipple is sore from him biting it. That is not a complaint.
Randomize
