my grandpa was trying to put butter into the pepsi and i'm like "grandpa what are you doing" and he looks down and goes "well i guess that wouldn't taste good anyway"
Just bought purple Ray Bans. If there was any small chance that I would ever have sex with women ever again, I just buried it.
I just made this asian woman on the boardwalk that was giving 20 dollar massages upset after I asked her if a happy ending comes with it.
jersey shore drinking game rules must be edited. almost died. how is it possible for a person to say guido that many times
woman puking in liquor store parking lot at 9:30 on a tuesday morning = best commute ever.
Both he AND his 17 year old son were hitting on me... I'm bridging generational gaps
I just sat through a State Farm mortgage Insurance commercial to watch a Trick Daddy video. Is this the target audience they are going for here?
porn star boner night. come get it.
You convinced me that eggnog and rum is a great moisturizer.
The sad thing was my husband told her its ok to make out with me. Bar Tuesdays will live on regardless.
I told my fuck buddy that I wanted one of his arms to take home with me to hold onto in bed and he was hurt that I didn't want to bring him, like as a person, home to my family. I feel like you and only you could appreciate this.
He somehow always manages to get me naked within 5 minutes of being together. It's like fucking witchcraft.
If Plan B had a rewards card I would have earned so many free tote bags by now
I'd have to have a ring. Like I don't want to be called "the ex girlfriend that shit on me"
so hungover. idk whos house or comp im on
Randomize
