He just yelled in the bar, "So I stuck it in two girls butts, why are you bringing that up now?"
I found a digiorno pizza in my washing machine.
Jon thought he was that blonde chick from Three's Company when he was shrooming
It's gotten to the point that the dirty talk in my head when I touch myself has your accent
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Her mom walked into the garage as we were smoking a kush blunt with sombreros on.
Tonight just try not to threaten to pee on the hot guys buying us drinks....please..
That's just a really flattering way of saying, "Yes, you're useless, but you have great tits."
You ever just wake up and decide, today I'm going to eat a whole bag of fritos and a tub of cream cheese
How do I respond to this?! It's not easy to say "you're hot & the sex was good, but outside the bedroom you scare me"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The inside of my nose has felt like the guy's face falling off from raiders of the lost ark all week
I opened the door and his girlfriend was standing there; we made silent, prolonged eye contact as I quietly put on my panties and left.
It's hard not to feel like a terrible person with bruises on your tits.
Looks like I accidentally stole two of your beers and left my pants at your place.
How did you leave without pants?
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score onr for mom.
My co-worker accidentally texted me regarding the threesome him and other one are planning.
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