It's not real sex if he's just convulsing inside of you.
Dude I need help. What word is complimentary, but sounds like "chunky"?
THERE ARE SO MANY GREAT DICKS IN THE WORLD. HOW DID I NOT DISCOVER THIS SOONER!?
he said he would handcuff me to his penis. thats not even possible. i want to go home.
Ummmmm okay let's be incredibly straightforward. Hi there. My bed's at half capacity this evening. How'd you like to fill it up?
I need vodka and champagne for my new favorite drink, vodkapagne. Alternative spellings are "vodkapain" and "vom-machine"
If I win the lottery I'm going to hire someone to skywrite "FUCKTARD" over his house. That much anger.
I just put on underwear fresh outta the dryer and it's like tiny Angels are giving them warm supportive hugs all over
If you kill yourself you won't get to feel that feeling when you have a good shit in the morning. Arent you gonna miss that?
The magnum condom fits. I feel like a manly version of cinderella
I would go disguised as someone he didn't have premature ejaculative sex with but I don't know if I could stay in character.
A young (I'm going to guess late middle school age) kid shouted at me from the crosswalk GAS PUMP OF SHAME! I have peaked in life.
Last night I drank three beers and threw up in a tree house. I am ashamed.
I just described cereal to my mother as "acoustic breakfast soup".
who is this
I'm reading fall out boy fanfic. What has my life come to.
Randomize
