Kristen just told everyone at the bar that I've got a huge dick, now Brittany is giving me the eye. What is the opposite of FML?
He was telling me how the song fireflies makes him feel like he can talk to animals
she said her black crocs were her 'dress up crocs'
I developed a drinking game for WoW. Everytime I die, I take a shot.
Please get laid.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
the ex, the guy i cheated on the ex with and the rebound are about to form a beer pong team at my party. is it bad i feel accomplished my pussy brought their union together?
mom just asked if we are going to need more kaluha as she pulls 5 out of the cupboard. this xmas might kill me
$5 off purchases of eighths or more today only. Happy tax-free weekend. -Your consumer-minded pot dealer
What are you wearing tonight?
The colors of the winddddddd
Our friendship would be less complicated if your dad didn't think I was forcing you into having gay sex with me
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Remember that time i gave you head on MY birthday and you made me stop so you could watch the rhino part in 300
I kept having to give myself encouraging advice like, "you know how a path works"
I'm just sitting here drunk and eating peas because my life sucks
I'm on the Coaster ride of shame, currently sitting across two nice old ladies smelling like condoms.
You threw up at the outdoor bar and it was pretty...astonishing just how much can come out of such a small human.
The last time we went to a costume party, you walked around in a loincloth with a cross and said you were Jesus. I'm eager to see how much more offensive you can be.
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