dude i dont realllllly have to fuck her do i? its just a mess down there and i think im gonna cry
right before he busted, he moaned the british are coming.
only on the fourth of july.
it was pretty much a given that i would lose my thong on dollar tequilla shot night
Hahhaha I literally just rolled outta bed and went to get beer in my pj's and slippers. God I love graduating
she gave me her number. found out it was already stored in my phone as "bathroom blowjob"
We are taking shots off of spoons and listening to Mary Poppins.
I think i lit a firework with a joint. happy birthday, america?
Also, hurry up because I don't like drinking alone. I'm still doing it, but I don't like it.
Just saw you drinking out of a flask on national tv. I've never been more proud of you
YOU WOULD BE SEEING ME. IN MY KITCHEN. BENDING OVER MY OVEN. MAKING YOU CAKE.
Wait, that's an option?
Drunkenly tried to auction off Merik's pancakes at Ihop. Apparently I make a great auctioneer. Also, no one wants 30 cent pancakes.
I think once you know a guy's chest measurements the stalking has gone too far..
I've decided that it's a bad thing. But I've also decided that I don't give a fuck.
I wish everyone could suck his dick. It was an honor.
I just saw a chick driving drinking a juice box smoking all while on the phone that is talent
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