Her vagina was like a man-sized safe.
Is it sanitary to roast marshmallows over a cigarette lighter?
In my junk email folder, there are literally 67 messages from Alcoholics Anonymous. What..the fuck.
I'm gagging in the liquor aisle just thinking about how much alcohol I'll be drinking this weekend.
i just saw that homeless guy who dresses like the cat in the hat at the liquor store. i guess he got enough change to have a good weekend. oh the places he'll go
my favorite homeless guy just told me I drive like Batman, achievement unlocked
Well i think matt shit his pants so ill mark that as a W
This is what we do on Thursday nights. Spray tans, blunts and drawing pictures of cats.
We started pregaming at 8. It's 11, and her only 11:11 wish is to be sober. It's hard to not love her.
My vagina doesn't have a refer a friend program. You don't get $25 for getting your friend to have sex with me.
I just realized it's officially fall..I had sex while watching Halloween
why do i have a pole dance champion shot glass?
I just saw elmo dancing with gumby. The bars at 7a.m. are AWESOME.
so at target i bought condoms, on sale undies, pasta roni, and martini mix. the old lady who rang me up asked "honey are you a freshman?" yea lady i am, thanks.
It's okay to admit that you're into redheads.
Randomize
