i swear to god her finding her clit was like looking for a sock in a dryer full of beach towels
You put your red cup in a chain link fence and kept telling me you could use it as a telescope
I was high enough to think chocolate sauce on bagel bites was a good idea
I'm like a warm blanket that has sex with you
I feel like I've been slapped by Gods icy cold dick of vengeance.
In other words, he somehow found his way to my apartment, wasted, and was naked on my new couch. Completely naked. It was too special to pass up.
She just told me her legs are numb and that she dedicated her karaoke of ice ice baby to her 4 month old son.
There is a bottle of ciroc waiting graciously on my breakfast table. It's almost a sign for me to live up to my Russian blood.
I AM TEN TEQUIA SHOOTS ON AND I JUST SAW SOMEONE DO A BODY SHOT OFFF OF JESUS
THIS FEELS SO WROG AND OH SO RIGHT
It isn't possible and the very mindfuck of that concept gives me a lady boner.
I was thinking more like a "sorry you can hear us, but I'm having the best sex of my life" cake
I wish I got like a congrats basket for being a responsible sexually active member of society complete with condoms, tissues and lollipops.
You know that voice that tells you to do something spontaneous after 1am? Don't listen to it.
I have only made 3 good decisions in my life and getting really stoned reenacting the Lion King with my cat in a lion mane hat is 2 of them.
Such a big mess for such a small penis
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