wake up i wanna do it froggy style
i might have gotten away with it if "don't tase me bro!" wasn't the first thing i said when i rolled down my window.
I got vodka in my stocking. Having an alcoholic mom has paid off.
i just realized i put more money and effort into 420 then i did for christmas
Why am I getting the stink eye from these people? They're acting like BYOB isn't kosher in a laundromat.
Haha o man how much you've grown. From beer bonging wine and wearing cargo shorts to well, beer bonging beer and wearing cargo shorts
Jesus christ how hard is BRING SNACKS AND DRUGS to interpret? I trust your judgement on this one.
Apparently you can legally be topless in Boulder, CO. Get on it.
Went to the strip club with my aunt. Do you know how hard it is to be a pervert in front of your female family members?
Smoked a joint with my old camp counselor and now we're going to a strip club. There is a god.
We decided to keep having sex while I ordered the pizza. I wanted extra pepperoooooooooooooni.
Should I be concerned you put your last name in my phone as "danger"?
I was chasing moonshine with vodka last night. I'm still not sure how I'm sober right now.
he BROKE his KNEE while we were getting it on, called 911 and the ambulance that showed up contained two paramedics, ONE WAS HIS FUCKING SISTER!!! HOW IS THIS MY LIFE?!?!?!
Poor life choices...?
It looked like Halloween in bed... BECAUSE HE BIT MY PUSSY AND I BLED ALL OVER THE FUCKING PLACE. THEN HE FELL AND BROKE HIS TOE. AND THEN PASSED OUT WHEN HE SAW ALL OF THE BLOOD.
Randomize
