I cant find my shoes, my wallet, or my keys, but i know where your sister is.
erin looks like she hung out with the sham wow guy last night. she's got the beat up hooker look goin' on
his facebook status quotes britney spears so there is always that
I just googled "whats above a trillion", thats how busy I am at work.
I wasn't fucked. I was just drunk, because i was still able to walk into the woods and masterbate.
She gave me what I will now dub a "hurricane sandy". Loud, wet and sloppy BJ that made me want to stay home and complain about shit on the Internet
Just turned down sex because it's a holy day of obligation, my mom would be proud.
WTF DUDE?
Stay calm. I'm sure there's a heterosexual explanation for this
He referred to our sex as being similar to "Two cheetahs cage fighting" and I have to agree.
I just remembered you throwing bread at me and getting me to drink water out of a heineken bottle. You are my best friend.
Cheez-its and a bottle of cab...for under $10 you could win this girls heart
So to add to headbutting the microwave while waiting for my hot pockets to cook. I apparently told both bartenders earlier in the night I was going to fuck them both. I hate black out drunk me..
You know the party's good when you say "Never have I ever caused an emergency landing" and someone drinks
What even was the context for that. All I have written down is "I would vote for President SnakeJaw."
I have 2 voicemails from u last night. one of them is just 5 min of u saying "doodling"...
Randomize
