sitting in my room eating a boneless rib tv dinner, and listening to taylor swift's love story, and i sharted. had to finish the ribs and hear the end of the song before i went to the bathroom to wipe.
I texted him about a book we both like. I was expecting a "ya great book... let's bone" response. It didn't work
Those 2 guys from the sonic commercial will be virgins for life.
I hate to tell you this, but your sister reeks of whore.
she's got that wholesome 16 and pregnant look.
i'm 67% sure he was trying to sing in hawaiian
Just left some random in my bed to go get mcdonalds breakfast. I'd say my priorities are on point.
my step dad just called me a drunken slut..someone in my family finally understands me
I made weed fried chicken. What have you done today?
Walking down the street at 11 pm dressed in bubble wrap. Why is the bar so fucking far away??
I mean two cocks this time. Trust me, I'm not gonna pull the same stunts as last time in this situation
You don't understand she was in the fountain pretending she was diving for treasure. I couldn't possibly ruin her dreams.
No, absolutely not. If you see that cunt, throw confetti or eggs at her.
That's a pretty extreme jump from confetti to eggs
I wonder if a fish could survive in vodka
I could
I don't know if I'm more excited about sex or that I have an excuse to smoke a cigarette
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