i wokr up in ohio with no clothes. i think someone gave me ecstacy. can you come find me please it's cold.
I just realized that my mother and I have the same favorite sex position, Guess which one!
OMG! Ew.
Lucky Dad.
How do I say "sorry I gave you and your sister herpes" in German?
you tried to clear everyones facebook status so that yours would be the only one on everyones home page
Wow, you know I need to stop drinking alone when I pour my drink into my hand and offer it to my dog,
Nicole, you can't keep coming over at 3am wanting to build igloos.
Your roommate is pacing with a pen in his mouth flapping like a duck. That brownie got me fucked but not enough to understand this. Come back!
He does that
It's not my fault you have a job and can't get drunk on Tuesday's. Don't take your frustrations out on me!
Her desktop wallpaper is a collage of penises she fucked.
He told me I was the only person he wanted to fuck in his rental mini van. Thats so romantic for a fuck buddy relationship.
I saw a picture of my dad holding my legs in a kegstand. Town festival=success.
I recently had a rabies scare because I thought putting socks on my hands to pick up a squirrel that got in my house was a good idea.
I like that you use a Disney movie to describe the starting of our BDSM relationship, lmao
Have you ever been up at one in the morning and thought to yourself, "I do not know nearly enough about penguin reproduction"?
I almost got decked by a guy who looked like Mr. Clean. How was your night?
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