i think i just puked on my phone
we live great lives
I'm sorry but all I really read was "my nipples will get hard."
Her vagina smelled like bad decisions
would really like to know how the teddy bear got super glued to my testicles.
I don't know how, but he made a bong out of a hamster wheel. To say I am impressed is an understatement.
The vagina on Hilton Head is mighty fine this time of year.
I can only get completely wasted and hungry two more times and then we're out of fritos.
Heaven was on the 3rd floor and Hell was on the first. When the cop walked up he was confused as to who the noise complaint was for and wrote both apartments a noise violation.
I'll start choreographing the sperm rain dance now
I dont care how high you are "yes" is not the correct response to "what do you want from Taco Bell" Mom.
Since he's sober and out of jail, he acts like we are the worst people on Earth. Fuck him, the only acceptable time in life to do coke is the early twenties. He won't take that from us.
Is adulthood just morning sex and then walking through the grocery store 20 min later looking for something to take to work for lunch?
...and then running into your dad at said grocery store...
I wish you could take over my body and feel what my nipple feels like right now
I didn't want to hook up with him so I just jumped out of bed, yelled "I don't even believe in god!" and ran out of the room
we bonded over knowing every word to freaky gurl by gucci mane so it’s kinda starting to make sense why I gave him head in his cul de sac
Randomize
