keep it on the DL tho cause i dont want it getting out and it coming off like i kidnapped her or something
I wish sober me loved running as much as drunk me...
i was concerned for your health after you took your "last shot" four times...
Just got super judged by a walmart cashier for buying diet pills and candy in the same transaction. Like she has her life figured out.
He's telling everyone that the only reason he's at this party is to hook up with me. SOS HELP.
I. Did. In fact. Sprain. My liver. This. Weekend.
I made out with a guy because he ate a grape lollipop and he tasted delicious... not my proudest moment.
1. Why did we have the team Chirstmas party in November 2. Why didn't anyone tell me the coaches were invited 3. Why did coach get the giant vibrator I brought
Remember when I got punched in the face on NYE last year? I don't
In the morning when you read your texts, just fyi you showed up at my house drunk off your ass and shoe less and demanded I go to the bar. You need Jesus.
So I met one of her cousins last night. She recognized me as "the guy that's always in the liquor store", I may have a problem.
I'm laying backwards. On the stairs. Eating carrots. And drinking from a captain Morgan bottle.
so it turns out that when you ride the subway drunk at 5 am you wake up with a sailor in your bed
I got dominos and had to stop whilst eating and take a moment of silence for how good it was
Im 76 percent sure I took a fully clothed shower last night.
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