nothing makes up for a small, perpetually flaccid penis quite like a British accent
apparently the 911 operator took drunk dialing waaayy too seriously
My sole motivation for showering this morning was to masturbate. Something is wrong here...
Is it bad that I voted for Scott Brown because I want to fuck him?
Nah. I did too.
Just watched porn on a 60 inch plasma screen TV... So that's where the clitoris is
i just realized why god gave us younger siblings....to DD for us when we come home for the summers
is he the 3rd person to bang everyone in our group?
All I know is that either you or I told a black guy that he looked like usher and he was sexy and that is our confession
I got sucker punched while I was making out with some girl...I think my molar might have flown into her mouth
at least its a cool name to shout when he's balls deep in you later
You randomly sent me a black Santa Claus emoji at 2am. I think alcohol was involved.
Do you think they manscape in the zombie apocalypse?
Little does she know that you've out-sourced your conscience to a girl who doesn't even wear pants on a regular basis
FIVE TIMES AND I HAVENT GOTTEN OFF ONCE
literally yelled NOOOO right before he finished .. yelled “five times and I still haven’t gotten off” when he was still inside me ..
Said “don’t worry I’ll get myself off tomorrow” to top it all off
I love millennial parents. One of the moms at the daycare center literally told me she and her husband named two of her kids after batman characters and one after game of thrones
Randomize
