i don't know what kind of porn he watches.. but that is NOT how you do it...
Drunk in a bar in Texas. The 24 y/o hottie I am chatting up just called me a male cougar. I am dealing with this whole turning 40 thing juuuust fine.
at the topless march for equality..and wow.not all these boobs should be treated equally
I'm going to write a letter. It's going to say, Dear Every Girl Ever: Take some goddam initiative and wake me up with a blowjob and I will eat out of your hand. Love, Every Guy Ever
Dude you couldnt even talk, you just kept hiccuping and slamming your head on the wall.
Because of his penis, I can't even look at a hot dog
Idk he's just laying there passed out with a French fry up his nose and without any pants on. Boner and everything.
Because you stood over the Ice luge screaming STONE COLD and poured beer on everyone
Omg, those nutella cakes are heavenly, like licking the nipples of a muscular black Jesus.
The hospital waiting room is starting to become a very familiar place to me.
Hold me and let me compliment your butt
I don't know when he had the time to do it but he dug a hole in our basement like the shawshank redemption
I just got out of the shower and I feel like I just washed off 10 lbs of bad decisions...
I'll start working on my manners when you stop using please and thank you in the bedroom.
Arrived home from picking Mom and Nana up at the airport to find Marc buck ass nude beneath the Christmas tree. Nana says she always knew I was queer.
Randomize
