I pooped in a mop bucket.
WTF???
Their employee restroom was locked what kind of customer service is that
you really need to stop walk of shaming home from theme parties.
one day I'm really going to regret not using the boners I got in planes and cars
you went around grabbing cigarettes out of peoples mouths and claiming you were curing cancer.
I just woke up and shes still asleep next to me with her vibrator inside her and on. Whats normal protocol for this situation?
Sitting on the curb by new england comics with a weeping drunk girl who's eating french fries saying she'll never be as successful as her sister the hand model. She's scaring the nerds.
Got laid in my rudolph onesie for the second year in a row. New tradition? Absolutely.
I'm using my dog as a pillow. He's cool with it.
She left her panties here. They looked SOOO much smaller last night.
I'm currently on an epic search all over the city for a drug store that isn't sold out of Plan B. I celebrated your birthday from afar.
I mean I faked it but he could answer my texts
when your dumb AF ex “accidentally” venmos you $50 and texts you asking for it back..... —sorry I accidentally deleted your number and cashed out
Did you put my shoes in the freezer.
Nope. I did however put them in the kiddie pool you pissed in in the living room before Tyler put them in the freezer. Ass hole.
at the hospital. Kevin drank straight from the river
Nothing quite like spending your evening singing Shania Twain I Feel Like a Woman barbershop quartet Style with some homeless guys outside of Keyport liquor. love Shania Twain. How's your Sunday?
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