I woke up on my floor...
I woke up with colors of the wind playing on repeat on my laptop...
you told all the 17 year old girls at the party that your mating call was "I glitter in the sun"
this whole healthcare thing got me thinking.. without knowing it my parents are now going to be paying for my dealer to be able to live..
the semester isnt officially over until i take the batteries out of my calculator and put them back into my vibrator
I know, but I was really high and I felt like a failure dragon because I could only blow smoke, no fire.
omg dinner turned into a foam party this is weiriiid
Just had such a rough shit, don't stop believin had to be played
We're at the hospital. She got a head rush and fell and now blood everywhere. Smoke the rest, just save her a bowl
Can we please get through at least one night out when you DON'T threaten to have sex with one of my parents?!?!
Don't talk to me about scholarly dedication until you've taken a final in boxers, a bloody tank top and a zip tie to hold your hair back. I wear the most sullied 4.0 crown of all time....
Within the hour, he sent me 8 texts and 4 voice memos. One of the memos was just him whistling for 3 minutes. ...It's official, I attract the crazies.
I'm telling you, this vagina is really making the rounds lately...
my goldfish that i got the day i lost my virginity just died. im terrified as to what this symbolically means for my sex life
Get the fuck in, we're going to Taco Bell.
you've already made the comitment to pee in public you should at least whip your dick out
Randomize
