I mean, it really isn't YOUR car until you have sex in it.
Let's just say for some reason we thought it was okay to make a burrito smoothie.
that's like riding a pigeon when you could fuck a bald eagle
my life is one jail cell away from being a bad country music song.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Does Vicodin go better with white or red wine?
Btw, just wanna point out that you've hooked up with two guys whose birthdays are today. Congratulations, you have a type!
HE IS COURTING ME WITH CHINESE FOOD AND IT IS WORKING.
This bowl of cereal would be the size of a giant's bowl-piece. It's. that. big.
How much did you smoke??
I'm using the Malibu pitcher you stole from the bar to make pancakes this morning. It's actually working really well.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I should be rewarded with oreos for not turning into a raging cunt.
Go makeout with Mickey Mouse so we can get FastPass tickets
I someohow managed to lose my butt plug in tne midst of moving to B.C. and I am not a happy camper.
I didn't want to shower, so I shaved my legs in the pool . That drunk .
My horoscope should say: you're an alcoholic, get help today, Pisces
I'm not having sex with him if he doesn't believe in gay marriage and abortions.
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