whats the name of the jew you used to have sex with that lives on evergreen?
be more specific...?
i got excepted to unl lol
You mean "accepted".
Had to use Google translator to be able to tell the cleaning lady not to throw away the condoms we have strategically placed throughout the house.
They're sharing a mixed drink at a bar with straws...its like a disney movie with booze
Sorry if I'm being weird. I'm dipping doritos in cabernet.
when i got home i made myself toast with butter & put pasta on it. I know this cause it's all over my bed.
I don't care. I'll be that guy that eats cake in a car. Alone. With the doors locked.
ALL CAPS CUZ ITS SERIOUS SHAME.
Apparently I told his new girlfriend to stop swallowing because she's getting fat. Oh, and I yelled this across a large room
Would you have sex with a guy wearing a Batman mask?
It's all hypothetical, I don't have a Batman mask... yet...
Every pair of shorts I try on makes me look like some kind of powerful lesbian wizard.
That is like, the point of shorts
My soul is telling me that I need to take this exam naked.
Honestly cannot tell if I’m magical or really, really high.
My manager gave me an envelope with money in it before he had vacation, and when I asked what it was for, he said it will be his bail money.
don’t ask me. i snorted coke off of a pregnancy test box last night. i obviously don’t make the best life choices.
Randomize
