So some girl kept staring at me and giving me these weird looks. That's when I realized she could probably hear the Mulan soundtrack playing on my iPod...
beer pong: waldo and ernie vs. bacon and eggs... i love halloween
Facebook is used to stalk your friends, Twitter is used to stalk celebritie=s, and Myspace is used to stalk underaged girls. Everything else is porn. T=he Internet in a nutshell.
We were driving to the party as he was giving me key bumps.. That's what I call team work
No need to call an exterminator, the ants overdosed on the leftover lines on the counter.
we couldn't find any funnels so we taped a spaghetti strainer to a pool noodle and it worked fairly well
Tomorrow, if I don't look at least 5% better than I do on a regular day to day basis, I want you to hit me and tell me that no one will ever love me if I continue to look like I just rolled out of a cocaine induced hibernation. I'm asking you for tough love.
how is telling me how long you drunkenly fucked someone supposed to make me miss you?
I had a dream last night you were Aladdin. I think due to me watching 6 hours of Disney movies and the fact you told me you were wearing a vest.
Dreams are coming true for both of us.
Can you stop being a bitch and just take some Kaluha shots with me bro?!?
I just connected with one of your drug dealers on LinkedIn.
It's true. There would need to be A LOT of data collection. Aka, dick-catching. I volunteer as tribute.
my goal is to never have a bac of 0.0 the whole time while in the state of florida, which means i have to chug a beer before i cross the state line
GOD DAMN IT I COULD HAVE HAD A MOTHERFUCKING 3 WAY LAST NIGHT. WHY BOOZE, WHY?!
i love how you, my friend, sends me a picture of herself wearing a shirt that says "i am dead inside" and i'm just like "awww baby you're so cute"
that's just solidarity
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