addddeeerrraaaallll.
ok i'm not sure if that was a success statement or a cry for help.
Oh, don't even get me started. Harry Potter is so pure. Twilight is just teenage girl porn.
you yelled then hung up at the girl on information bc she could not pinpoint your location and tell you how to get to dennys
We just found a handle of vodka in our fridge and no one knows how it got there. God I love spring break.
It was honestly like finding a clitoris in a haystack.
i just remembered the time you guys tried to give me an intervention because i was drunk before 5 on a monday
See, not all bad decisions involve my penis.
ambylanc
what?
there was an amgbulance. iw ish i was in it.
I have to stop envisioning penises as dragons.
Ummmm you know you're drinking vodka out of a Skittles bag, right?
Made myself shower before I'd masturbate. I probably should have wined and dined myself too, but that's pushing it too far.
I don't know what his name was or what he looked like, but I remember him rocking me to sleep with his cock
Can't tell if waking up covered in easy mac is the sign of an amazing or terrible night
she's p upset bro
Where is he. I have a sword.
I woke up, topless, my car was parked funny so I threw on my hoodieto go fix it and found a jello shot in my pocket. where did I go last night?!
Randomize
