Turns out he's not gay. He just didn't know how else to say he's not into me. He just hit on my sister.
Coffee flavored vodka sounded like such a good idea at the time. Now i never want to drink coffee again.
I learned an important lesson last night: Jameson giveth, but Jameson also taketh away.
Cruelly.
Uh, do you remember who's thong is in my tree?
You had me sold at "fucking you down the slide"
I'm wearing the jeans from casino night. Tell me why I have a napkin in my pocket that says 'dont fear me'? I'm hoping it was just a coincidence.
I think online classes were designed around the concept of day drinking.
You kno how some people just need a "everything will be alright" pat on the back? I need an "everything will be alright" blowjob right now. Come over
Oh Brad. Your poor brain, always being ignored for your penis and crazy women.
His idea of role playing was him wearing the halloween mitt romney mask while I gave him head
I want him for more than banging and buying me potato salad. Is this what love feels like?
I don't fucking know. I'm out stimulating the economy. Not locked in a room with a marker board.
Oh at the liquor store again?
Stealing, and booze. If only you added meaningless sex with random people you would have wrapped all your life passions together
That's crazy. Wow that lady must be fucked up
Yeah I hope she's okay.
I'm still going to fuck her husband but I do hope she's okay.
It seems I've entered my 21st birthday the same way I entered this world: naked, crying and smothered in someone else's bodily fluids...
Randomize
