your transformation into a slut upon entering college is like a shakespearian tragedy
I just found a dead bug in my nose. if that's the worst thing up there im considdering myself lucky.
I just had to explain to my father, how having two screens plugged into my computer doesn't use more internet.
nothing can go wrong this weekend. $1500 to spend. i have options for hookups every night. my backup plans have backup plans
i only understood the part that said mucho orgasmos
Just seeing my phone say "picture message from: Senor Floppy Cock", i knew it was going to make me smile.
My relaxing drive may end up as a surprise bootycall in Pittsburgh. Don't try to stop me.
And I told him that even though were not together, if he has sex with anyone I would have sex with someone else, video tape it and send it to him.
STOP WHATEVER YOU ARE DOING AND GO OUTSIDE RIGHT NOW. THE MOON LOOKS LIKE CATWOMAN
Stalker pic that shit
He left, I think he got uncomfortable when I started singing 'oompah oompah doodley do, I have a special riddle for you'
Going back to the ever classy sneak out to the fridge and swig liquor from the bottle method. That it is legal for me to drink here makes the fact that I have to do this all the more depressing.
Getting dome in the backseat of a friends car with Ariana Grande playing in the background was probably the most romantic part of my night
Nobody likes ball hair. Not even gay dudes
woke up with 4 bruises, 2 hickies and a bad case of rug burn. texans are dangerous.
Lesson Learned: It's not a party until someone pisses their pants.
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