you have to be so drunk to ignore a taser
I am in the hospital with a broken wrist because a guy told me that if I punched him it "wouldn't hurt." it hurt. me. Thank you 11 jello shots.
im just laying here pukin in my mouth and swallowing it 'cause im WAY too lazy to actually get up and find a place to vomit. this is my life now.
I can't live in this building much longer. People are starting to figure out that it's me making the weird sex noises.
Just for future reference, me asking if you're free, followed by a winking face is not my way of suggesting a tandem bike ride.
The best part is every argument that she makes from here on out will be refuted by "Oh hey remember that time you shit yourself wearing someone else's sweatpants at a frat party?"
Doing a circuit workout and using a power hour playlist for my 1 minute timers. I am getting old. creative, but old.
So apparently when I'm drunk and want water I pant like a dog and expect to have water given to me..
Orientation leader success, day 1: incoming freshman just ate out his first sorority girl. I gave him a 7/10.
Ended up in some house where this dude has a $1200 leopard cat
Who's the naked guy asleep in your car?
Testing the emergency boobs hotline
Girl you know I'm an advocate of debauchery but you might wanna check yoself.
She just kept roaring and saying Katy Perry had nothing on her. Wtf did she take?
May have told my history professor I wanted him to stuff me like a turkey. Too slutty?
Nah, people appreciate the creativity of seasonal sluttiness. Let me know if it works!!!
Randomize
