He passed out on the patio with nothing on but his boxers. So we put our beer caps on him. Yeah he woke up with a polka dot sunburn.
She loves me even though she knows all Ive done. Shes kind of like jesus.
sorry i was making out with matt didn't mean for it to sound like that. there was no tone
there should be a new saying, don't text and tongue
Couple in the hotel room next to me keep fucking. When I hear her get close I call the room wait for them to stop and hang up. If I'm not getting any tonight then no one should.
I found a fried uncrustable on the table from last night.
yo your bro wants to know what time he got home and were you hosing him off
They make twin pack pregnancy tests for girls like us
Dramatic love triangle! I guess mystery Asian and I will just have to fight it out for your love.
Trying to convince myself that everyone keeps staring at me because I'm pretty and not because of my hickies.
I honestly think the worst part about the night is they just kicked us out of the park and we didn't even get to go into Disneyland Jail
YES. YOU ARE GOING TO HAVE SEX WITH ME WHILE I SING LES MIS.
You get home okay?
I'm pantless and in bed
That doesn't mean you're at home.
NO HE PUT HIS HAND IN HIS PANTS BEFORE HE TOUCHED THE BONG.
ILLEGAL
I want to be a supportive friend to her, but I also want to sleep with her ex now that he's single.
I woke up on the green space outside our dorm cradling a watermelon and sucking my thumb. College is crazy man.
Randomize
