i live my life in a constant state of hangover.
Just scrubbed my teeth for a good twenty minutes. Herpes is afraid of toothpaste, right?
Please make the clown in the corner stop judging me. I mean he's the one with paint on his face. I don't need him judge judying me.
So getting drunk in honor of the bomb threat is legit right?
we did shots in class this morning as part of a presentation. WHY AM I LEAVING THIS COUNTRY?!
i don't know man, last time i saw her she was applying sunblock to her vagina
Whos eating a bunch of acid and watching fireworks tomorrow? This guy. Thats who.
my whole checking account just had a funeral down bourban street, paid for that, and then bought everyone 5 shots of fireball...
DUDE FUCK CALL ME SHE HAS GRANDKIDS
We shall need something stronger. Anal lube, the blood of a giraffe, and a bay leaf should do the trick. Make the paste and cover your left knee and anus in it.
Does the term "on fleek" apply to dicks or just eyebrows?
I have to choose between charging my phone or my vibrator. This is bullshit.
I was writing 'DISTRACTION' across my chest in Sharpie when my boob fell out. Right on camera.
I danced my ass off after the funeral last night. Kept dropping it low and I can feel it in my legs today. Im like shit I needa go work out
What a way to honor the dead
reminiscing on last night: why the fuck did I feel the need to stand on chairs everytime we took a jello shot?
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