Black thong, sheer white shorts not a professional look. This chick has no idea what sunlight makes her outfit look like.
She had to leave early so she could get ready for her high school's homecoming. I hope her date likes sloppy seconds.
Jesus Christ, she just started playing Enya and is humming along to it. Way, way, way too hungover to deal with her shitty taste in music
She just told me she blew the waiter in the bathroom. Should I still leave a tip?
You were Q-tipping mashed potatoes out of your ear.
Please make the clown in the corner stop judging me. I mean he's the one with paint on his face. I don't need him judge judying me.
Any clothing i put on is too many clothes.
I just remembered that i did pull ups in a bikini on the porch of Red Lobster last night. someone needs to stage an intervention
Happy Birhtday!
Dad, it's 3am and it's not my birthday... wherever you are, go home
So I'm about to drive his drunk ass home and he spits on my car. Before I can say, "Dude, what the fuck?!", he puts his finger to my lips and goes "shhh, its in the past."
School starts Thursday. Don't fling yourself out of the car to throw up screaming "classy" before I park this time.
It's a new year.
My 12 o'clock class is an all star team of my ex's hook ups
doing the walk of shame back to your house in nothing but a bed sheet was definitely not one of my proudest moments..
Im gnna go loik fir my newq gay friuend now
Goodbee
She just took all of the blankets in the house and threw them in the yard, because 'the grass was cold'..
Randomize
