it doesn't mae me god, the fact that I am god makes getting dressed futile and tedious... btw i am still drunk
I want to be a jewelry store heckler. "Hey man, is she really worth it"
It took me 40.8 seconds to take a dump at her house, I know because I timed myself.
If Megan asks I spilled my water water all over her. I pissed on your roommate. You're welcome. I expect you to keep that on the down low. Seriously tell her the water thing
If you bring chipotle to my house i'll let you eat your burrito out of my vagina
I can't tell you details but at one point I had her pee strapped to my back in a ziploc
So yeah she lost her virginity in a wheel chair with a broken pelvis. I'm still trying to figure out how I should feel about that.
i finally decided to cut him off after he he looked me dead in the eyes and said "how have i been inside you for the past twenty minutes when my pants are still on?"
Last thing I remember clearly was, "ok, but if we're are gonna get drunk before class, there's no half-doing this"
Breaking into his house to steal the sheets I'd drunk pissed on before he got home was not how I wanted to be spending spring break
All I've been thinking about for the past 12 hours is sex and SEAWORLD
I've now fucked in every motel room in this small town.
Fun fact: I came home from the riverboat without my panties. And woke up with a different pair on.
Oh man. I threw up in the first cab. Got kicked out. Roamed somewhere for awhile. Fell asleep in the back if the second cab. Woke up in my underwear on the living room floor with a frozen pizza (thawed) laying next to me
The bouncer just called me magically delicious... apparently I'm a lucky charm. hollllleeeerrrr!
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