Tonight was fucked up. First my mom called me and told me I had to go to the bar to pick up my dad 'cause he was drunk. Then when I got there my dad was doing a body shot from this lady who happened to be my 1st grade teacher. By far the most awkward car ride home. Idk if I should tell my mom or not.
im sure shes a lovely person but i cant be friends with someone that doesnt drink. its just not right.
Would it be bad if I bought her bread, meat, cheese, and stuff as her christmas present so she can make me a sandwich?
She spilled some tequila on her hair somehow and I guess I felt bad for her, so I yelled "ROOMIES FOR LIFE" and dipped my hair in my tequila.
It's like hey here is one penis enjoy nothing but that for the rest of your life
I had to run home with my hands covering my tits this morning. How does this keep happening?
I just watched in amazement as you had a full conversation about water temperature and bacteria with your pet goldfish.
By this time next year I expect us to have full time jobs that we can call out of so we can day drink on beautiful days like this. Oh, and grill.
He can keep it, but if he asks for anything else i'm just going to start pissing on things.
I just had a spiritual connection with my sweater and did ballet in the hallway. Alone. I'd say we're gonna chalk that up as a win for marijuana and call it a night
She had never heard the term "grundle" before. Classiest girl I've met in months
Ok, not to minimize the significance of that beautiful anecdote from your childhood, but here's a video of my penis.
it's a rainbow of FUCK YOU
The girl in the hotel room next to us walked out at the same time as me this morning. She just shook her head, looked at me and said, "faker." Is it that easy to tell?!??
this poor kid thinks hes going to have his first time with both of us
Randomize
