She was narrarating everything she did.. like while making toast.
What? Cold floors are soothing when you have a hangover. How am I supposed to pass that up. Even if I'm at my parents house
The last thing I remember is funneling tequila out of a pink noodle.
Guys, right now i need a picture of a squirrel, preferably with one of you guys but not necessary.
Just grabbing my bra from a history teacher's desk in the Humanities building. Maybe I should stop drinking on weeknights
She asked me to go inside, make myself a drink and slip into something a little more naked.
I will no longer accept being cock blocked in my own bed.
All i'm saying is it doesn't matter how drunk you were, at 26 years of age you should always remember to take down you pants before you shit in the toilet
I've reached the gravitational age where it's very hard to get my face and my boobs in the same shot without some kind of yoga involved .
A conundrum I think only you would understand: how to classily post "I need a ride to the liquor store" on one's Facebook wall?
Chipotle just hit me... I want to go sit in the corner of the shower and cry until morning.
This strip club is mediocre. Talent is fine. Fung shui is bad.
YO. MCGRIDDLES.
just had an acid flashback in my therapist's office. i am a walking stereotype
There’s a special place in hell for tall guys with small dicks
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