So I just almost came on my own face I had to dodge it as it was flying by...that was a first
He's on drugs...like drugs for horses.
Hashbrowns don't come out your nose as easily as you would think
you kept saying 'can i put my penis on the grill?' and it was all i could do to stop you. you're welcome, though
Everything in my purse is 100% saturated in red wine, which made it challenging to cover up my booze breath with franzia soaked gum
Yeah, I wish I could have one upped you. But all I did was ride circles around a cop on a stolen bicycle while laughing at him for telling me to stop riding on the sidewalk.
I mean like, my liver will beg my brain for mercy. Brainll be like I'm Greg Jennings. Liverll be like I'm Darren Sharper. Brainll be like hold my diiiiick.
ASS. GYMANSTICS. OLYMPICS. NOW!!!
Drinking loves me for WHO I am
I've never seen an uncircumcised dick in real life and the internet indicates I don't want to.
wanna mail me your GoPro for St.Patties and I'll mail it back to you coverend in puke?
CAPS.LOCK.AND.SPACEBAR.ARE.BROKEN.
I hate that I will forever be known as the girl who puked on the front lawn. That only happened once.
I fucked a marine... I told him it was like personal revenge and he said he could live with that and that he didn't mind being used.
Basically, I am an endless fountain of unconvential sexual experiences and knowledge.
Randomize
