I don't make mistakes...just understandable bad choices.
if i could have babies with my dog i totally would cause i know thay would be fucking hott babies.
drunk sex in a shower = bad idea broken arm
I think hes settled down now. He's just licking the walls and the windows.
I just took a shower and I feel like 20 pounds of sex just came off of me.
Using that mug my little cousin painted for me as an ashtray for my weed...at least next time he asks me if I'm using it I can say yes
nobody understands how my tooth became embedded in the ceiling last night.
I think the 8 yr old is hitting on me and they just prayed for the salvation of third world countries
literally just blacked in. Im watching what to expect when your expecting, eating pretzels and peanut butter, and I have someone's underwear around my neck.
I'm so poor. I just wiped my ass with cocktail napkins... That I stole from the neighbors... When I was over there stealing Cheetos.
It was technically 11... But I go by McDonald's time, if they aren't servin breakfast, it's the afternoon. Therefore I can drink
I just finished a four mile round trip walk to CVS to buy shaving cream and lube. You're welcome.
Is it possible for mice to climb? If so I think mice are climbing into my bed in the night and playing with my hair..
You took acid last night and I’m up early to go to the grand opening of a new TJMaxx by my house. We couldn’t be more perfect.
The amount of illegal things I've done this weekend is astounding.
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