I cleared a drunken path to my bed for you. If you hit clothes you've gone too far.
Haga you didnt jbsii whee wu an therer
Party on wayne
I'm sorry I murdered your sperm with my alcohol saturated Olympic uterus.
To tired for the bar. Came home and drank wine out of the bottle. Kind of don't want to know what that says about my life.
A guy in a banana suit just got the whole bus to participate in a call and response version of Bohemian Rhapsody. HERO
I'm eating captain crunch out of a cup half full of beer so idk
My arrest report says I was found in midtown "performing lewd and lascivious acts on top of art meant for public display and enjoyment".
YOU KNOW BRAZILIAN BOYS ARE MY WEAKNESS
I'm shaved like a Brazilian hooker right now.
I have the flu.
I don't give a shit
Dude, I passed out on the side walk, lost my phone and shirt, and walked 12 miles home after I disappeared from the club
Bring me your tired, your weary, your buffalo chicken dip
He stopped mid thrust ... To check snap chat .. From his roomie
Oh and he asked if I would occasionally still blow him if we had children. It was so romantic.
If we were teenagers we would intentionally be trying to burn down this historic landmark
Pray for me.. I'm like the lonely vagina in a sea of sworming dicks
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