i was rollin on her like bob the builder
it was like weight watchers had a halloween party.
she was home schooled till college. were she learned how to give the most amazing blowjobs is still a mystery.
I just remember making out with this kid's friend, washing blood off my hands and hearing the RA's were looking for me.
He told me that I smelled like a Glade Plug-in, then sang the Menard's jingle in it's entirety in between kissing me.
He fell off a seesaw, tore half his ear off and somehow convinced the paramedic he was allowed to have a beer while being treated
First if all, whoever designed penis shaped ice cubes is clearly daring me to shove them up my vagina
we aren't going to have kids. there's a 50% chance that they would look like him. not worth the risk
That's because "bed time" is my sex playlist. If you're trying to fall asleep use "nap time"
So in Aca Taco on grad night 1am, this bitch walks in alone drunk as fuck in her gown to the front of the line and says, "I graduated today...thank YOU"
Well, I have a text in my phone that just says "Scrumtrelescent" from a girl I have in here as "Cheesy Tits", so you figure out how my night was going.
its the first football sunday and my boyfriend isn't excited. this isn't gonna last unless he makes me snacks and brings me beer during the game.
apparently when a guy says "if there's anything missing in your life, I will provide" he's not expecting attractive lesbians to be the answer.
Sitting on the toilet ... Eatin pizza with one hand, petting my cat with the other. I love a sad drunken life
Whats a little naked between friends. Just don't laugh or I'll be scared for life.
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