...she's taking her top off and singing songs from Anastasia. I swear to God were solumates.
i know im back at school when i can poke any random spot on my body and expect a 80% chance that theres a bruise there
i dodnt think we hooked up bcause he actually texted me the next day
I told him I'd put in a good word. And the word of the day is: NEGATIVE
A French guy bit my cheek. Is that sexy there? Also had to threaten to stab the bus driver. I'm not sure I like Europe.
So getting drunk in honor of the bomb threat is legit right?
I just won a riveting game of "who can drink the most vodka out of a hollowed out watermelon". Fucking New Yorkers.
Fun fact. I am at the police dept. getting served a warrant for unpaid ordinance... and the officer was a one night stand from like 10 years ago.
Apparently I was proudly showing him the cup I barfed pizza rolls into
When the dude you brought home from the bar on Thanksgiving leaves before you wake up ... #thankful
Yeah so then I used the selfie stick his mom gave me to take nudes
He noticed my new Lipstick so later tonight it's going to be on his dick.
He's at Disney with 4 kids and I'm drinking wine from the bottle in bed at 2:45pm. Does it sound like we're compatible??
So many people have told me I have great tits tonight, I'm unstoppable
How did the test come back?
I've never been so happy to have a yeast infection. And i got a free pack of birth control
Randomize
