I don't know how I got that girl last night. I feel like seal right now sans the scars
You can now add 30,000 feet to the places where I have puked
using my metrocard to split lines. it says optimism on the back. i am optimistic that you will appear at my door and help me finish all these drugs.
Worst night here by far. And ive slipped in my own piss so thats saying something
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The bartender just told me he would have me face down in his pillow by the end of the night. I hate when you make me go to gay clubs.
You described pouring milk in your strawberry cereal as a glittering magnificent water fall, skimming over the mountain and little strawberry citizens.
So that groomsmen was naked under his kilt. Also I just had sex in the elevator. And yes, those two updates are definitely related.
She failed the Charleston discretion test, although puking in her armpit was very innovative.
Hungover in church. I can feel stained glass Jesus judging me.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The comfort of this onesie is keeping me single
He’s 21. The president of his frat. I’m 28 and have a career!
Do it. It’s a noble position.
When creating your wedding guest list do you put the girl you & your fiance had a threesome with under your friends or his friends?
She said she didn't care that I was gay and wants to ride the fucking rainbow
I don't feel like that was meant as a compliment, but really still feels like one
I cant wait to tell our kids we met because you subscribed to my onlyfans.
Randomize