I just got a drinking merit badge from a slutty girl scout
i sold my breathalizer so i could buy weed
you know you were way too high when you wake up next to a handwritten list of all the things you'd do for a Klondike bar
My dad just walked in on me screwing the chick from the bar...the look of relief on his face was sort of hurtful.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You know whats sad? As I walk past the campus daycare i cant help think, look at those drunk mistakes
I tried to put a seat belt on in the shower. And I'm 80% sure I ate soap.
We're about to go to a party titled 'Night of 1000 Jello Shots".
I woke up on your bathroom floor, i used your towel I found laying on the floor as a cape to get to your bed. I thought it would help me walk straight if I looked like a superhero
You're not stopping till I see you on the ground trying to hold on to shit
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
(This is the second time ive been high enough to decide to run for office)
His flight is delayed. Mother Nature is delaying me from sex.
It's Reggie from Taco Bell, send me a pic.
It was the highest I'd ever been. I felt like a blob. A blob eating a burrito.
I dont even remember what i was saying but just one minute i was crying and the next i was showing u my genitals
Not having a reliable dick in is getting expensive. I’ve had to replace 3 vibrators since Mike and I split up
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