I'm in a strip club that reminds me of a crack house from the 80's.
You can't hide fat with big sunglasses.
Mmmm, vodka for breakfast
just got high and bedazzled my bra. other than bleeding from the prongs life is so good.
currently shading my boobs to make it look like i have mass cleavage...thanks art school
They want me to get them some X for there wedding present. I'm on the way to get it now
My building was evacuated who wants to quake and bake
Everything smells like vodka and bologna. WHAT DID YOU DO?
He left my apartment when I broke up with him just as my booty call was walking in. It was a little awkward...
She's riding a bike down the street and drinking brown liquor. A pt cruiser is honking at her and she's like I HEAR YOU!!
i thought you were just a really comfy body pillow until i sobered up. oops.
My mom has had 5 shots of fireball today and she's still functioning normally... She's just extra polite.
sometimes you just gotta eat tacobell at 2am and cry all your feelings out
He finally left. I didn't introduce him to the roommate. The sex is bad. I don't want him to feel welcome
Isn't it funny how we're still best friends after that incident with the old lady in the bathroom
You fucking bailed on me. But I love you still
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