there is a puppy in the bar... no really i didnt steal this one
a bus full of elementary school kids may or may not have seen me pissing off my front porch this morning
I woke up to a topless girl handing me a blunt. Candidate for greatest wake-up ever?
MCAT status: Day 64, no longer can remember what sex is like.
I fucked a 6'7 Danish man. In the ocean. At 5am. Greetings from Florida!
Seriously, do normal people actually get work done being this hungover? No wonder the economy's in the shitter
Speaking of testosterone. I saw a girl with a moustache thicker than one I can grow last night...
After so many times of carrying your puked covered clothes home in a bag on a Tuesday morning, you begin to realize that Fucked Up Mondays aren't a real thing.
I literally told her "she's a sandwich I'd like to make" and that's all it took
I feel like I got hit by a bus. A head on collision with my vag.
Who replies to a drunk text at 6am that's like against the rules of being a designated drunk text receiver
I'm full of champagne and rage, of course I'm showing up at his house.
And now I have a massive dip in and a Bloody Mary that would catch on fire if you put a flame close to it, with no pants on... At 8:15Am. Being single is pretty legit
He drives a PT Cruiser.... that should have been my first clue.
He accepted my bet of 5 bucks to bike home completely naked. Never got asked about the 5 bucks, guess he enjoyed it too much
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