This phone does not accept mass texts. Try again.
i know we're in college but you cant booty call me at 3 in the afternoon. i dont care how drunk you are.
At what point did I eat out of your mouth?
Don't put random dicks in your mouth or any other crevice for that matter... and i'm home in 30 seconds
Wish I got that text last night instead of this morning.
I noticed when you had too much when you were yelling "HOE-HAVE-A-SEAT" to his cat.
If you didn't damage your room so much from fucking so hard we would have got more of our security deposit back
I resent that
A girl pulled up next to me at a stoplight just now, looked around for a second, and then changed her top, bra and all, before the light turned green. New. Hero.
I just realized I'm trading you a pregnancy test for the morning after pill...
It's been a bad semester.
Fried chicken is a must. Do strippers eat fried chicken or should I plan on something else?
the mexican frat downstairs started singing this mariachi song, then out of nowhere some dude busts out a trumpet and plays along. is this even real?
your fridge is broken, your sock drawer is full of snow, and you flipped off the whole stadium on the big screen. I'd say it went well.
they saw the dick pic he sent and started calling him 'subway'
OK... But I need to shower first because I'm covered in stuff I definitely shouldn't have slept in
8 minutes into the New Year and and I've already sent a nude...new year, new me?
idk but im stoned n hiding in the bathroom from my kids with a really big bowl of really little candy bars
Randomize
