dude, your ex-bf is on match.com
details on that.
well, his profile doesn't say anything about herpes.
Instead of asking if I had a condom she literally said " I'm not on the pill but I'm pro choice... your move"... I'm in love
We had sex in his tahoe, talked about how we don't love each other and then high fived twice. Best Day Ever
Also I got A jello shot for $2!!! It's like the forever 21 of bars
Thanks for not cleaning the drain like you were supposed to. I just vomited in the shower and I had to stand in it until I was done conditioning.
Exactly. Some of us want to get married. And some of us want to wear sombreros and do cocaine. To each their own.
Well. Turns up no one actually knows who that kid was. Came in, said happy fathers day, chilled for a while, then left.
Who the fuck did i sell my right shoe to last night i need to get that back im not walking with one shoe on
Are we talking about who knows if I'll get naked pictures of you with a broadsword or who knows if I'll be surprised?
My dad, when he got home and saw me loading a bowl in the living room: "We have TWO beautiful balconies to get high on and you pick the couch?!"
I will kick you in all of your body parts. All at once.
I touched a dick in church today
Rain drop, shock top, drinking can't stop stop
Ehh, the third backed out. Two still isn't bad. Who gets a bootycall to pick them up from a bootycall's house anyways? Only me.
drunkkkkk be here I heart you
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