exactly what part of this weekend seemed like a good idea?
my brother is so whacked out on percocet from hurting his legs that he started crying because his belly button was so cute
You American Chicks are so confusing....1 day you are on my nuts next day you be trippin
Dude its not just American chicks...a small penis is the same in every language
Happy graduation...we are now officially unemployed alcoholics!
She just looked down there and said "i breed horses. this is better than anything ive ever seen."
Someone jacked my earrings off me or I threw em in the toilet again
I hate when that happens
I feel like the other woman.
You ARE the other woman.
uhh when the x-ray tec was moving your head you licked his hand and meowed.. i think he knew you weren't sober
I just puked so hard I pissed myself. Outta my ass. I just won hangover of the century.
I liked a picture of him with his pants around his ankles, if that doesn't say I'm into you, I don't know what does.
I gotta say, I do way better with the ladies than I do the men. So if it turns out being gay is a choice, then I'm going to go ahead and choose it.
I'm fucking a man old enough to be my father who is also dating my boss. What have you done with your life?
So somehow today's lecture on the immune system turned into me having to stand up and explain female ejaculation to the class.
I want to show up to tomorrow's study group looking like I got hit by a train. A train made of dicks.
Power lunch with dad, pain pills and tequila shots. Dad does Monday hard.
Randomize
