I want Jason Statham to talk British to my vagina.
Just threw up in my seat during the national anthem. Probably not good.
apparently there was a flour fight and couch sex...
I can trace it back to that drunken night where we peed on each other in the shower.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Ive decided I'm sending thank you notes to all the bars for graduation.
I want to die. Marc and I were making out in the hallway and fell into a fire hose in a glass case. It shattered everywhere. Everyone thought we fell out a window. I think I have glass in my back. Awesome.
A nice make out session never hurt anyone. Plus he's a pilot, so he'll know the safety procedures for when the night crashes and burns.
I think you were giving a sex seminar on your kitchen table last night.
He was just lying on the living room floor watching Star Wars with six empty pack of cigarettes and two empty cases of beer.
In his defence I guess I did take the bed, couch and dining room set in the breakup.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Who spent today in nothing but a vajazzle and candy thong? SORRY NOT SORRY
Oh and yeah that does count as public urination.
Apparently he got pepper spray on his dick. So he's a literal fire crotch.
I legit just swiped right with a Tinder feminist just to get in an argument with her. Soo that's my Friday night so far...
Had a dream I was doing scat with Caroline. I need to lay off the cheese at night
Btw I puked in your glovebox
Randomize