I just accidently deleted 60 gigs of porn from my external hard drive. Thats over 300 pornos! I think im gonna cry.
Im surprised that you are even able to text me right now.
I didn't mind getting the stomach flu from him. we had great sex AND I'm seven pounds lighter
She tried catching cigarette ashes on her tongue like snowflakes.
Whatever. He's going to tie me up tonight whether he wants to or not.
all I wanna do is swim in an Olympic sized pool of Gatorade and tylenol.
Trust me at the end of the night there will be queso smothered places you didn't think it could be smothered
everyone thought he was too sick to make it, but he showed up. Ten minutes in and he's doing vodka shots with nyquil chasers
trading diseases for a hangover? that's either a really good decision or a really, really bad one. we'll find out if he wakes up tomorrow
That big chick who gave you the handly polished off one of the walls to the ginger bread house right before she came outside. FYI
I think drinking everclear was a better idea than taking a night class.
I think god invented us with two hands so we can grab an ass and spank it at the same time.
As I read your response saying I need a tan before I can become a go-go dancer, a girl cane up to work and gave me 10 coupons for 100 days of tanning for a dollar.
This is fate. You were destined to be a stripper.
You very well can't change your mind now. It would upset the natural flow of life.
You might have been able to redeem yourself had you not referred to grandma as "this bitch".
That explains the hand print on my face. That old lady knows how to throw a punch.
I'm trying to find some better sex background music so his neighbors don't hate us. This is tedious.
There are no winners in a lube eating competition.
She said she was sober from drugs for a week. All I heard was Kenny Loggins singing Danger Zone.
Randomize