He's marrying her, which means that she is his most important person in the world, so you gotta deal with it...okay?
Just found out you can rent the rollerena for 100 bucks and you can bring your own beer... when are you free this week?
You rolled out of the car, got on all fours and puked then just nonchalantly stood up and waved goodbye and thanks for the ride.
All i've done since I got back to my room today is take a three hour nap. Like, I even planned to change my pants and haven't even done that yet.
YOU GOT KICKED OUT OF FIVE GUYS LAST NIGHT FOR THROWING PEANUTS AT THE PEOPLE WHO WORK THERE?!
correction: escorted out
she gave me head while i watched the '98 Rose Bowl on espn classic. Ryan Leaf really was a huge bust
If I was 5 years younger and single...
She STILL wouldn't fuck you.
Went to the elf storage building to help him get his old dresser. Found his brother's stash in the drawer and ended up passed out w him on the mattress in there instead.
He told her Jesus wouldnt yell curse or degrade her. He'd just simply shake his head and slap the shit out of her
i fell into a bathtub last night and broke the fall with my forehead. my forehead is bruised
Omg last night I was giving shots out like I was the Willy Wonka of the alcohol world.
Other than trying to finger me on the couch in the middle of the bar a few times, you were fine.
That's pretty intense. There aren't many people I would pick over a burrito
He brought me Plan B in the snowstorm.
A+ 👏🏼
I can see. My condolences to your vagina.
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