Yeah we had sex for the first time last night and all the text he sent me afterwards said was “heh”
He needs to realize that there's a big difference between "I love you" and "I love your dick"
found her sleeping in the closet. woke her up and she said she was camping.
As soon as he lost the election, the reception's open bar became a cash bar. I have never been so disappointed in my countrymen.
All she said to me last night is that when her eyes roll back, to release my choke hold.
remember when I told you about my grandma asking me about my sex scars? Less comfortable than that
I just got a reminder alert on my phone for an event I titled "Bradley getting stupid high with me in bed." I assume we planned this during the party. I'm down if you are.
Bring fortys. we have the duct tape. its onnn mothafuckaaaa
Even though he had a fractured vertebrae, the sex was still phenomenal. Better than normal actually. I hope the vertabrae never heals.
If this first date goes well and I like him, I won't sleep with him. But if it doesn't go well, I'll sleep with him.
Thats just a parental red flag. They have been brainwashed. Lets baptize them into the church of PBR
I mean I only got hit in the ass with ONE firework
Just met my French neighbor. We watched a crow die together, so we're pretty tight.
Typically a man doesn't buy a woman a drink in hopes of her laughing at his penis, but no one said I was normal.
WHY THE FUCK DOES RICKY'S BROTHER GET AN ENTIRE POT OF PASTA FOR BEING SHIRTLESS AND ALL I GET IS ARRESTED?!
Randomize
