Who wears a wallet chain?!
I acted like I was still sleeping as she gathered her stuff to leave.. that's when she let one rip
You'd think after all these years of evolution that it would be longer than a golf pencil.
There's a 24 hour period after giving head where you can't eat penis shaped food without me laughing at you
about to tell this girl that sh'es my teenage dream. you have 15.358s to stop me.
I got a Luke Skywalker costume so I can go do battle with the homeless guy who plays the fiddle dressed as Darth Vader downtown.
Woke up in the front yard with a chalupa and a firecracker in my back pocket. It's what the founding fathers would want
the condom is still stuck, that's what I get for being responsible
I want to get so drunk, you will need subtitles to understand me. Rough week.
Maybe he'll be famous someday and I can forget that anything embarrassing may have happened and just say that I fucked that famous guy.
The whorange rubbed off. His white shirt was so gross at the end of the night I told him to frame it.
I have a present for you
Like a legit gift, not just me showing up and getting naked
I thought my neighbors locked me out of the building. Then I remembered I was drunk. PUSH AND TURN.
He said he didn't want to go down on me so I told him we were going to have an oral stalemate.
she threw up on her exam, awkwardly wiped it off with her sleeve and continued writing.
Randomize
