Alex texted me. Bootycall boy #2. its like an alarm goes off once i'm single that the line is open again
i was puking in the toilet, he walked in and to talk to me and started puking in the sink.. Could this be my perfect man??
Yes. Being a lesbian's wingman is a fun as it sounds
I'm not leaving bed today. And i guess my drunken ass last night hit my roommate in the face with a tiki torch then proceeded to cry while carrying around a picture of he who must not being name. I'm a piece of work.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just got peed on. This karma circle is starting to get vicious.
Food lion is just a portal. Cheetos are the goal. Its like not banging a super hot chick cause she is french. She still has the same parts just from a different box.
Now I am going to fly my toy helicopter in the dark.
I got a second ticket last night for drunkly using my one call to order a pizza and get it delivered at the police station
After he finished he sang his college fight song like it was some victory
I had to dig my own trench to puke in at the resort. That much fun.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Suffice to say, I think if people ask about your bruises, and you look them right in the eye, and say "they're from fucking...", people would be like, "respect."
Ugh I feel like I just got hit by a big giant sex bus.
I woke up with a captain's hat on my desk.
conclusion: canadians have really freaky sex
I would but he’s not speaking to me because I put ketchup in his socks.
He had me sit on his face until I begged him to stop, then held me there 5 minutes longer. I rested my head on his chest, told him I needed time to recover....and slept for 6 hours. By the time I woke, he was already at work. I just sent him a countdown times until his shift is over.
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