who the fuck tagged pancake nipples on my profile picture?
im about as happy as oj after his trial
If its called oral, why is it so hard to talk?
well most of my day revolves around power hour
Just dropped $150 at the liquor store. No power and two feet of snow has taken my alcoholism to another level.
So basically i got outta bed and started peeing on the a/c unit..when my roommate tried to stop me i looked at him and said "i got this"
I really don't want to. I just don't know how to nicely say "dude I'm having a rough time in life right now and I just need to dress like a stripper cop, get shit faced, and have dirty crazy sex"
For the record we tried to find 4th of july porn. Did not turn out well.
You gotta pick a side. My suggestion: side with tits.
Do you think we could brew coffee with beer? I'm thinking a hazelnut Guinnesspresso can only end with pure awesome.
i just had to pick up my 18 year old cousin from the police station for hosting a party, and i had to do this stoned wow
call me with an emergency in 5 min. This chick has a strap on hangin behind the bathroom door.
I thought he was foreign, but it turns out when you're that drunk, an Ohio accent just sounds Russian.
I already left my house once this summer. Maybe we could do something in October.
Just met my future wife. Please dont fuck her.
Randomize
