Just because we had intercourse doesn't mean we're friends.
Margaritas ran out of lime juice. Substituted Jaeger. Jaegerita not good.
maybe we can find two twins tonight and bang them together and then my life is complete
I didnt shave my beard last night, so I could feel it while Im shrooming today
I've spent the last three hours watching 30 rock and eating marshmallows and ham. I'm considering taking up weed to justify my lifestyle.
I keep reminding myself that my vagina isn't a homeless shelter.
There was a guy on the elevator dressed as santa in flip-flops giving away beer.
i just snorted adderall with my patient's rolled up EKG strip from our last clinical. nursing school has ruined me. thought you would appreciate this.
Solid teamwork gives us a good shout of both bringing home trophy cougs
You started throwing frozen shot glasses at people and you kept saying "it's fine, they melt."
Hope I didn't wake u up but I woke up and there is a shirt, boxers, belt and jeans on my balcony, along with a naked guy who claimed to scale the building
the chips you spilled whiskey on is not the same thing as Irish breakfast potatoes
I think I fucked up my elbow when I tried to fight off the paramedics.
Good to know. If our sexting moves past early 1900s vernacular, I'll be sure to use that once or twice.
Are you going to regret this?
No I do t think so
Ok then he can enter the holy dorm temple.
Randomize
