You know you want to come over later
1:27a: Um no
1:45a: Maybe
2:05a: Probably
2:38a: I'm outside, let me in
I didn't notice until this morning that he had a six inch RAT TAIL...
he showed up at my house with a hand-stiched sweater that said "girlfriend?"
She said "I only hook up with guys I'm dating"
So... What happend then?
We dated for an hour, i broke up with her after. BOOM.
Seriously? Time stamp. 2:31 AM. And I am taking self potraits with a tree. Betty Ford anyone?
After we hooked up, he left the room and no one has seen him since last night. That kid redefined hit it and quit it.
Dude. Hurry up. They just blessed the tequila.
He introduced me to his parents as the girl he made out with on Thursday night...
I woke up exactly where I passed out... on top of him yet he somehow put his pants back on
Def walking back to my apt with a blender, an empty vodka bottle, and a half eAtn drumstick cone.
Wait..I think something else did happen last night my vagina is too pleased for this level of hangover..
It's surprise blowjob week. You should be excited.
"Functional." Your standards for how you feel after drinking are so high.
When your night starts by chugging margarita and drinking vodka out of tupperware, I feel it's best to stay realistic.
Last week in my political science paper I quoted the Mighty Ducks. This week, I compared the Constitution to a weird pickle law in Connecticut (by law, it's not a pickle unless it bounces). So, yeah, clearly I'm ready to be back to being a college student.
Charles Manson is Getting Married and I stare down at my tits and wonder how I am possibly single.
Randomize
