hipster in red sally jessy raphael glasses inside. kick her.
I'm watching CSI, they found semen in the woman's ear.
Guess she heard her killer coming
I wrote and sealed my mom's mothers day card last night while intoxicated.. should i put it in the maibox
without a question
We name dropped you at the liquor store and got a ten percent discount!
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I woke up this morning next to a stack of saltines & a txt from u saying "do it." it took me a second to remember wat was going on
So far we've hooked up on a pool table, on a public bathroom counter and now in a little league baseball dugout. We haven't even made to a house yet.
He has in a pan: ten pieces of bacon, two cloves of garlic, an egg (not scrambled or hard boiled, just an egg) and frozen corn.
You should've come to the party. It was like an identity parade of everyone you screwed last year.
I have your car and your sandals. My shoes are somewhere under the puke couch. Safari time.
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i'm soo broke, the only trip i can afford for spring break is acid
All I know is that every time I looked at my glass it was full again and I thought it would be rude not to drink it
Nearly got hit by a blue bell ice cream truck. Can I count on you to make plenty of puns like "her life was sweet, and so was her death" at my funeral if that was to happen?
Also your Swedish friend who's name I don't remember is really good in bed.
*Norwegian
They just made me take another shot and I found out the liquor store next to my brothers house has a petting zoo
Mind. Blown.
This is not a test of the emergency warning system. He has broken my vagina. I repeat he has broken my vagina. Damn it was good.
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