SEEEEXXX PLEASE
Michael Bay diarrhea
You told the waitress last night "What tip bracket do I have to be in to see your boobs"
On an unrelated note: I'm also a big advocate of the "never waste a boner" theory.
Well, at least he doesn't refer to you as his associate. his mattress associate
just letting you know that jen either: wasn't feeling well and ate grass to make herself throw up or threw up because she's stupid and ate grass
Smoked before work and just remembered i left pringles in my desk last time i was high. SCORE
Funny how I'm trusting a magic 8 ball I found in the kids toy section to tell me about my sex life
From what I heard you ordered him to lick your balls. Unless you've kept a huge secret I understand his confusion.
I don't want my liquor store dad to judge me...
Drunk me just want to text sober me for saving that half rack of ribs I loves you
It's very finicky. Like baking. or BDSM.
The best thing about last night is when drunk Lauren asked cop if she could smoke a joint in front of him. And next thing I remember she’s smoking weed with a cop. How awesome is that.
i passed out in front of ihop...for the second night in a row. i think i need to reevaluate my life choices
she told me id be a great addition to their lesbian community and shes giving me sex eyes from across the room. come get me NOW
Randomize
