I told him to come back in 5mins cause i needed to take a few more shots before i could talk to him
i feel like barbie the morning after an elton john party
I cannot stress to you how much better your current situation is than listening to gay sex
Well regardless of where or with who you will be blacking out and i will be pouring shots down ur throat like a baby bird
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She said to bring taco sauce. Hoping that's a euphemism.
This girl caught me staring at the cat but stroking the computer because it was closer, which is why I hate blunts.
You know it's bad when I can already feel tomorrow's hangover before even drinking today.
The EMT told me when I left the ER "I'd like to take off your pants again and inspect your package. Just not during a medical emergency..." We're hooking up tonight.
Points for getting a hot hook up after getting a shard of glass in your thigh. Almost makes it worth it.
I never thought people would keep their guns next to their fake plastic penises, but there they were.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It all started with a game of naked twister.
They kept freaking out that you were missing and potentially having sex.. like it was a bad thing. Got fed up with hearing it so i just yelled "ITS HER BIRTHDAY AND SHE CAN FUCK IF SHE WANTS TO!" They gave me unnecessary looks. I thought it was acceptable.
Is it in poor taste to drop acid before midnight mass?
I love this.
Mike's not allowed to drink vodka anymore. He couldn't get his temporary tattoos (stickers) to stick so he super glued them on.
I don’t understand his energy
What? Nice? Lmao
I shit myself and fell down the stairs and I’m still finding shit In those pants.
Randomize