he gave me an orgasm. multiple times. the weird stuff he did in middle school is now irrelevant.
He had the Transformers symbol tattooed to his chest. We had to do it doggy style so I could laugh into my pillow instead of his face.
Goose bottles do NOT make good bowling pins
I told him we can only be friends from now on & he said he knows but that I'm the 'best he ever had'.
you slept with him again didn't you
you can't just quote Drake AND compliment me at the same time & receive nothin. he knows me too well
Alright, I can go by eventually,, I don't wanna lose a second pair of shoes this semster from blacking out...
She is just sitting by the bathroom like a little puppy waiting for a knight in shining armor to take her in there to fuck her. New low?
The gay is strong with you! You're more concerned about my outfit than my safety.
I was able to hide the fact that I had just shit in my pants, and then wupped her ass at FIFA
And I might have stolen a bag of Doritos out of Matt's car and hid them in my bag and gave individual chips out to people dancing, trying to convince people they were mini tacos.. Like why Am I allowed to be an adult
Honestly and this might sound scary... But I want to get high and play with weapons
The stock is going waaaaay up on that picture of my pussy with a bowtie on it.
I cant see straight, her clothes are all over my floor and I'm covered in bite marks... No I will not go to brunch with you
Fell asleep on kitchen floor again, chicken nuggets everywhere.
if happy hour never ends, you’ll never have to eat kale
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like picking cocaine boogers out of your nose at your parents house.
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