As my groomsman, I expect you to learn the Thriller dance with me before next September.
I've been emailing with a woman. I don't think she's into me, but we've become sorta email buddies. I'm hoping to meet her because on her profile she states she's into 'fisting.' Frankly the thought kinda freaks me out but I'm dying to see what kind of woman is 1) into that and 2) admits it upfront.
There is no way he is gay with that hair.
his penis is like a homeless cat. ever since I've satisfied him he keeps showing up on my doorstep ask for more.
He proposed that we "bone". I've completely given up on boys.
Do you think Tom Brady went home tonight and changed his facebook status to "pink with lace"?
i feel like his penis is a security blanet. i cant fall asleep unless its in my hand
The goblet must only be used for good. And vodka. And anything t-pain would be proud of.
I just remembered something. Did we really all flash the cab driver to get half off?
Watching elf, eating a tub of ice cream, and coming to terms with the fact that I haven't had sex in 5 months. Happy fucking holidays.
Helped a guy at work today that did nothing but stare at my chest....safe to say the Girls were looking G.O.O.D. today.
It's 2017. Get with the program. Also remind me never to get margaritas with you ever on Cinco de Mayo.
Are you in a position where you can bring me some nachos?
No actually you're a pro. You puked on the cab ride, and managed to completely contain it in your purse. the cabbie was even impressed.
The cat was building a spaceship out of the carpet, my legs were cans of tomato sauce, and there was something else in that pot you gave me.
Randomize
