I'm outside your house...sorry I feel like I don't need formal invites anymore.
I just caught Brandon licking the fake chocolate on a smores ornament
The last memory I have is vomiting into a box and her rubbing my back saying "you are such a trooper..."
there was a kid getting taken out of the waterpark handcuffed to a wheelchair singing "tryna catch me ridin dirty"
Just woke up to the best idea ever. Vodka infused BUTTER. Take a second, and think of the possibilities.
we did shots in class this morning as part of a presentation. WHY AM I LEAVING THIS COUNTRY?!
let's see, i ended up walking for an hour towards a macdonalds that didnt exist, sprinted full tilt into a powerline, and left a 30 dollar tip to a waitress at dennys we made friends with. I REGRET NOTHING
So it took me 20 minutes to figure out that this is the wrong blind date. I'm going to go with it, he's cute and at least it's free beer.
Wake up we need to beat the walk of shame rush hour
Sadly he is straight as an arrow that is designed by a robot computer from the future with lasers.
This saddens me. Mostly because I want to see the schematics on that robot.
Whatever you do tomorrow don't let me put on the Borat mankini and yell "POLAR PLUNGE!!" while diving into the pool
The pool is covered.....
Like that would stop me.
I took a dab in Denver and was I. Rocky Mountain national park almost to Wyoming before I realized I missed my turn.
When I come home and take my bra off and I'm served with a perfect grilled cheese along with a glass of wine. Priceless.
where are you guys?
stoned at his house watching water boil
DID YOU OR DID YOU NOT, PEE IN MY FUCKING TRASHCAN?!
Randomize
