Twist it, pull it, flick it... Bop it was like the first time I touched myself.
A little girl and i are having a face making battle in mcdonalds
She started it, but I totally finished it.
We just picked up about 540 lbs of women....
Life lesson: when driving and throwing up, choose a paper bag over plastic. Fuck my life.
FUCK YOU CALIFORNIA. YOU DO NOTHING RIGHT. FIRST PROP 8 AND NOW THIS.
But you wanna know what the sadest part is? I had to smoke on the way back home cause my mom would be suspicious if I wasn't high after I was supposedly hanging out with you.
I love that my brother has just convinced my dad that smoking a blunt it an "unspoken family tradition"
THERE IS A WINE CUBE IN MY ASS THIS IS NOT GOING AS PLANNED
He's such a champ. He puked on purpose just so he'd be coherent enough to roll this blunt
Learn from me. When going to a booty call do not wear a belly shirt. Nothing says shame like a belly shirt at 7am.
Just woke up from a first date on the futon watching Arrested Development by myself, him cuddling another chick in his room. Simultaneously the best and worst one night stand in history.
Bonus: took me 2 hours to get home on the streetcar cause I spent my cab money on drinks for his friend last night.
Have you ever just sat there and thought about past penises?
who says I'm not relevant to the kids today? Just had snapchat sex, blows the roof off aim cyber sex
I have no idea, I usually just project my awkwardness out like a mating call until it draws other awkward members of the opposite sex out from the bushes
You are hungover. Your arguments are irrational an incoherent. We only played twice. Have some Gatorade and take a knee.
Randomize
