508, what difference does it make? You were alone, anyway.
i'm watching a show about a girl who died from masterbating with a carrot. A FUCKING CARROT, EMILY! YOU NEED TO BE CAREFUL!
there are seriously like six guinea pigs in my bathtub right now
this is like black Friday for my dealer. I'm literally standing in line.
There needs to be a newsfeed for phones... A list of all my drunken calls, texts, BBMs, new contacts, pictures sent AND received, all in chronological order.
I think she just stepped in a piece of mac and cheese, picked it off the bottom of her foot and ate it.
yeah, she started doing yoga and cocaine....looks good on her.
Were gonna hotbox in the trunk. I think there's room for another half of a person if you're interested
Why is your name on a gluestick in a plastic baggy stuck to my door?
I want to own their dicks and all the attachments
Direct quote from her that tipped me off I was getting some: "I want to jump on his shoulders and wrap my legs around his face"
Yeah I'm at the doctors getting a shotand don't know how to tell them I'm still probably drunk from last night
Am I the only one who saw the used condom in the driveway this morning
Yeah I passed out. The last thing I remember is the lady telling me I couldn't play the clarinet with my nose.
I can still taste your cum in my mouth and my in-laws are coming over. This should go well.
Randomize
