I will come over but only if I don't have to take my sunglasses off for it
we just got in the car and birthday sex is playing
that is a sign the 3 of us should have a threesome
we agree. completely
I thought Christmas was going to come before I did
I cant help but love a girl who informs me of the pregnancy test results by emailing me a YouTube clip of Barney Stinsons not a fathers day speech.
Nope. Daytime is texting time. Night time is you send me naked pictures time.
i don't even know why we got arrested this time. i think the cops just like our company at this point
that's how you measure success
By how bad my vagina hurts on a Tuesday morning while I'm trying to figure out how I got white girl wasted on a Monday?
All I know is I want him to tie me up at least twice a week and I have an overwhelming urge to cook for him. Could this be love? I'm so confused....
Nah. And this is true. It's like you were trained by sexual Jedi or something.
*jedi wave* this is the penis you were looking for
So I put a beer on your bed and jumped on th3 other side of the bed like in the commercials. You my good sir, owe me a budweiser that your bed drank.
He is peeing inside and sticking up for himself. Those are two of the four signs of the apocalypse.
What guy invites over a booty call, gets all naked and then when the real fun begins and a condom is needed, claims to not have one? And wears socks THE entire time?
I slept naked with a towel wrapped around my waist in case I pissed the bed again
Are you done yet? I've eaten three corndogs so I'm ready 2 party.
For the record you're a very classy lady and your love for and mastery of strap-ons is amazing. I would gladly marry you and father your offspring
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