The sky will open, cue choir of angels: "oh! wow! Matt was right! Not only will I grow out my bush, but I'm going to date straight, available men!"
Nhdgh I love you very much hello becausevs. Vagina pensiono
Playing drinking games to Nancy Grace totally counts as "keeping up with current events.."
for real. he might as well bring dogs if they're lower than a 7.
Within 5 minutes of max walking in his pants were off and he was wearing my snow goggles as underwear.
It was so weird. I had like an out of body experience. I heard the moaning, but I didn't know it was me.
Two things. 1 - I want to apologize for my drunkeness last night. 2 - I want to pre-apologize for my anticipated drunkeness tonight.
my head hurts. i need an adult
and not like a cool parent adult. like a full fledged party pooper grandparent adult
a kid puked on the floor and instead of, you know, cleaning it they cut a square out of the carpet with a boxcutter and threw it outside
I thought that wasn't a thing ever since she showed you her vag on the dance floor
You said dick pics aren't attractive
Random ones, from strangers, no. But a beautiful penis I know and love, absolutely :3
Pro tip: if you can avoid puking on your carpet, do so. Cleaning it up is absolutely no fun at all.
I just masturbated in the tanning bed stoned. Best decision of my life
I have an empty apartment, Chinese food, and fresh batteries in my vibrator. There's nothing on this earth that could lure me out tonight.
If you wanna fuck the pudding, fuck the pudding. Just not the chocolate, Im gonna eat that.
Randomize
