can you have the cops turn on the gps locator on my phone...i just woke up in a Hooters uniform and I have no idea where I am...
I may or may not have screamed I'M ON A BOAT while having sex...on a boat. I think I was born to have sex with him.
Haha im Trying. This detox stuff tastes nasty. It's bad when the only thing that came to mind when i took the first sip was how good it would be with Vodka
I have six drafts of messages to you that just say "blood" and I have no idea where they came from.
Can you send me a picture of you not naked, my mom wants to see what you look like
His morals are debatable, but his heart or perhaps his penis is in the right place.
His penis is crooked. Right place? Maybe he starts there, but then he slants.
ripping the fire alarm off the wall probably seemed like a better idea last night than it really was.
The kind of drunk where you put two tampons in thinking that it'll last me longer ...
You chest bumped everyone we walked by on the way home... Even girls
We're taking a shot every time Landon Donovan takes a shot. It's clever, sort of.
My new years resolution is going to be to stop drunk snapchatting old hook ups asking them when we're going to bang again
Listen I'm tryna celebrate your divorce. Sometimes that calls for drinking on the toilet.
I think one make out session at a bar per year is probably the best choice.
I’d feel the same about religion. We can talk about it, but I want you to go down on me first
I'm with the cops, Trish's gay husband stabbed himself and is framing her for attempt of murder and I'm dressed 4 the club I'm wearing leather pants leather jacket leather boots and black club top. Embarrassed
Randomize
