hahah your definitly as dumb as I think I thought you are. boom roasted.
I cant remeber how long i've been laying here...it could be 10 minutes to a fucking day
Im still in bed and cant move and i only had Two beers and a shot last night... how did I make it in college?
God gave us a 4 year grace period.
I'd invite him but there's too many people who have fucked me going already
i'm reaslly not drunk enough to wtch the fat lesbian on my floor brng another fat lesbian dressed up as a bloody nurse into her room at 2am
There are dudes in kilts outside my window practicing fire breathing with cheap vodka and a modified grill lighter. I thought you should know.
Trust me I was high for like 5 years...I got this
I woke up to the sound of gentle rain, only to realize I was laying under a urine trough in the men's restroom. Fuck you, bourbon. Fuck you.
Sorry I can't go bowling with you guys. I'm getting daytime dick. That's the best kind.
If we laid all the dicks that's have been inside of us end to end it would be as tall as 4 story building. 40 feet of dicks.
I'm not worried. All I have to do is not be the drunkest painter at 8:00. Golden.
I feel like every young boy's first wet dream is too have sex with the Pink Ranger. I am now fulfilling that dream for one man. I am a hero.
Tell the cops to let you through! Tell them you need to do drugs!
I tried to flirt with him by saying "catholics are cool" and he handed me a cup of water so i called him jesus and thanked him for the wine
Stay home. Ain't nothing out in these mean streets but plan b and regret
Randomize
