I want you more than these girls want KFC
Just saw a british exchange student take a flyer for free dental care. Yes.
I just saw "i'm bigger then that" as her facebook status. Would it be better to make a fat joke or correct her grammar?
I mean if she was naked in my room I would talk to her
We make out exclusively when we're drunk. That's like a relationship for me, right?
Only thing worse than going to work with a hangover is going to work with a hangover then realizing that u don't have to work that day
Drunk. But sober enough to know I hate gymnastics.
I warned you. Don't come crying to me when your vagina refuses to forgive you for this.
SO HELP ME GOD THERE IS A SPIDER IN THIS PIZZA. IT IS VERY SMALL IT IS INSIDE THE CRUST AND IT IS ALIVE. I'M SO HUNGRY DO I KEEP EATING
Using my graduation announcement box as a table to roll a blunt on. I've official stopped giving a shit about senior year
I was gonna turn him down, but he correctly identified a song from Pocahontas.
Being hungover in this office is the actual worst. Like they look at me and know I was wasted at 1 am, karaokeing Billy Idol at a gay bar.
does 2pm fall under the wake n bake category?
i pushed adam in a shopping cart for 15 blocks, then we realized we left tyler downtown
did you go back and get him?
nah we went to a karaoke bar instead, so worth it
My parents left me the house for the weekend...you know what that means?!
Harry Potter marathon and no pants.
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