you are the sluttiest virgin ive ever met
thanks it was an honor just to be nominated
i'm 67% sure he was trying to sing in hawaiian
It was romantic. He brought over a bottle of Jack to celebrate us becoming official on Facebook. Definitely a story for the grandkids.
Escorted a stripper to her car last night,and all I got was a "Thanks" and "Go Steelers."
It was smashing those cupcakes into my face that did it. Junk food and I don't mix.
So my dad just walked in on me with the same girl twice in 3 nights. I told him if he wants to see her tits to adleast admit it. All he did was smirk.
Rick two cubicles down puked and that triggered three others puking into their trash cans as well. The janitorial staff hates it when we go drinking on a work night.
"Wine night with the girls" turned into me having to set an alarm in the bathtub this morning...
We're trying to make our wedding vows nice but meeting on OkCupid fucks that up entirely.
Wake up. Eat bread. Find your dignity. Don't be late for work again.
I sexted him with a GIF from titanic and it worked....
You texted me the words "butt stuff" 53 times in a four hour period last night.
Does this mean I have to put a bra on now
You have the perkiest tits in all of North America. You're fine.
At some point i am going to say to you "i have this really bad idea! You in? " just go with it.
Randomize
