Dude, you really need to stop hitting on girls by telling them you sang a cappella in college.
Dude, I just had an awesome rave/orgy with like bunch of hot Asian chicks on a cable car. It was like being in a Gwen Stefani video, cept w/o the bad spelling
God, I love San Francisco.
Would you rather have a 10 inch but pencil thin penis or a 2 inch very fat one?
Fat, it's not about touching the bottom it's about raising hell of the sides.
i stapled my math hw together with an ear ring, too ghetto?
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someone should tell her that easter eggs aren't meant to be dildos.
If your dick isn't up when i get home you're catching tonight.
Dude totally calling you out on watching when harry met sally on netflix on demand on april 8th.
She called picking up at 2pm a matinee drug deal.
She asked the woman in the drive through to cover everything she ordered in mayonnaise, including here chilli cheese fries. Didn't happen. Then she started swerving at the car next to us screaming, asking if they had mayonnaise.
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You need to braveheart it on Monday. Blue face paint and a loin cloth screaming freedom in your front yard.
I've literally never felt worse
My body feels like its decomposing
Yay! Also. When you're coming down eat waffles and touch yourself. You won't regret it.
I'm committing myself to dance. Also, I'm unsure if you said space party sounded lame because dude was old, but I hope you're over it because I love space, and I love David Bowie and I love to dance, and you need to embrace this with me.
Freshly fucked must agree with my hair cause I've gotten compliments on it this afternoon
What do I have to do?! Spell it out for him? Why can't he just plow me and pull my hair at the same time
You are my new hero
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